"Being a foster carer is hard - but it is a privileged position"

Friday 20 October 2017

One of the island's youngest foster carers has described both the hard work and the "privilege" of looking after children, as part of a campaign to recruit more families.

29-year-old Nicola Looby, and her husband Grahame, became respite foster carers in August 2016 and have since welcomed 14 children in their home.

The nursing student says she "stumbled into fostering" after researching adoption. But with a Diploma in Childcare and Education, as well as over 16 years' of experience as a babysitter and summer holiday supervisor, she didn't start from scratch.

She explains: "I have always wanted to adopt since I was five or six. I don't know why but it has always been my plan. When I read about fostering I was really interested so I talked to Grahame and asked him if he would like to do it too. We went to a pop-up shop to learn more and we took it from there. It was my idea so I told he could back out if it was too much for him but it worked well."

After an initial meeting with a social worker, the couple went through a 12-week programme where they learned foster skills as well as tips on how to be resilient, keep records and how to cope with different situations. They also received additional training in first aid, online safety and other aspects of life with children. They had several meetings with a social worker, either as a couple or individually, where they discussed their personal history. Nicola says: "It's extensive but I wouldn't say it is intrusive. It depends how open you are but it is the only way they can know what you can offer to children who are in care."

While they had originally intended to become short-term foster carer, Nicola and Grahame realised during the year-long process that it wouldn't be compatible with her studying. As she was in the middle of a nursing degree, the couple decided to become respite foster carers, which means that they welcome children who are already in care, while their family can't look after them, or receive emergency placements.

Pictured: "You could really make a difference for a child," says Nicola.

Nicola explains: "The choice is entirely yours. You can say when you are free and when you are not, for whatever reason. You can decide on an age limit depending on what kind of situation you feel most prepared for. Some families only look after babies, others only other children. Fostering hasn't had a dramatic impact on our life. We managed to do it with me studying for a degree and Grahame working full time! You can always say no if there is one placement you can't accept."

In the past year, the couple has fostered 14 children between the age of 10 months and 16 and with placements varying from a couple of hours to a month.

"It highlights how much we need foster carers on the island. People might think that being a small island it is not that much of an issue but it is the opposite." So what would the young woman say to fellow islanders who have toyed with the idea of fostering but never did anything about it? "There is nothing to be scared of. Ask questions! No question is too silly. Speak to the social workers, read stories about fostering. You could really make a difference for a child, it is a really special place."

Over the last 12 months, the future nurse says she has seen a baby takes his first steps and children who were struggling in school go above and beyond. "There is not just one special aspect to the experience. I love the bond you get to create, seeing how the children change, how they get to be kids again. Some of them had have to grow up so quickly because they had to deal with so much but as soon as they sit down and start playing they relax. I am not going to lie, it is hard work, but it is a really privileged position where you get to make a child feel loved and provide them with stability which is all they ask."

Pictured: Seeing children going back to being kids again is one of the highlights of being a foster carer says Nicola.

"It is is fun and tiring. You get some really special moments and you are part of changing a child's life. I love it. I'm never going to stop being a foster carer and I will keep on encouraging more people to do it."

As part of their campaign, the team at Fostering and Adoption will be setting up a pop-up site at the Library today and tomorrow from 10:00 to 16:00. On 28 October, they will be at Communicare at Les Quennevais.