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AGONY AUNT: Proposal problems

AGONY AUNT: Proposal problems

Sunday 05 September 2021

AGONY AUNT: Proposal problems

Sunday 05 September 2021


Jersey's favourite socialite-turned-Agony Aunt turns to answer the question of 'the' question, and how to pop it in the perfect way.

This month, Fenella Bond dishes her advice to 'Clueless in St. Clement'...

Dear Fenella,

I have been with my beautiful girlfriend for five years and I’m ready to pop the question. I know that she’s always dreamt of having the perfect proposal and I’m worried I’m going to be a disappointment.

She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, and I want to make the proposal absolutely perfect for her. This the kind of story we will tell our grandchildren. Help me make her dreams come true!

All the best,

Clueless in St. Clement

Hiya love,

I cannot tell you how excited and honoured I am to receive this letter. In all the many months that I have been slaving away at this Agony Aunt column, I cannot believe how few people want an absolute icon like me involved in their most cherished family memories. So first of all, thank you for being like totally sensible and coming to me with your proposal quandary. 

Now, you may have written to me expecting me to say that it doesn’t matter how or where you propose or if you have the perfect ring – as long as you love one another, and you’re committed to giving her a lifetime of laughter and happiness it will be special in its own way.

If this was your hope for my response to your letter, then let me tell you... YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG. If this gal is as special and amazing as you say she is, then what she deserves is an ostentatious and expensive display of affection which, I would argue, is as, if not more, important than your compatibility as life partners.

Remember: wedding vows are temporary, Instagram is forever.

So, I am going to divide my response up into key areas so that every single element of your proposal is social media ready...

The Ring

If you’ve taken the time to write this letter to me using the phrase “I’m ready to pop the question” and you haven’t got a ring picked out yet then you truly do live up to your name, Clueless. But if that is the case, I will try and be patient with you.


engagementring.png

Pictured: Just pick a nice ring, okay?

No pressure, but if you pick an ugly ring, she will say no (if she has any sense). The choice of ring says a lot about a person – do they have good taste? Do they pay attention to what I like? Do they have enough money to buy a nice ring and therefore will be able to support me both emotionally and financially?

Just pick a nice ring, okay?

Location

This is also a crucial element to the perfect proposal. Don’t be basic and propose at a fancy restaurant (SNOOZE FEST). Think outside the box for once in your life, Clueless! Make it exciting, a bit dangerous maybe, with twists and turns that she doesn’t see coming.

For a bit of #inspo, my dream proposal takes place in a Tuscan vineyard surrounded by tame jungle cats whilst Beyoncé serenades me. But if you steal my idea, I will sue you (I mean it, I have very expensive lawyers).

Jersey Map

Pictured: Don't be basic when it comes to location...

Very public proposals are tacky and stressful so you’re going to have to hire out an entire venue to ask your one true love the most important question of her life.

Again, no pressure.

Styling

Even though this is third on the list, in terms of importance it is right up there with the ring in Fenella’s book.

Surprise your special lady with a manicure in the lead up to the event to ensure that your engagement snaps aren’t plagued by the dreaded hang nail – she will never forgive you if you don’t do this.

Styling.png

Pictured: Think of the best outfit that you own, then dress sharper than that.

Think of the best outfit that you own, then dress sharper than that. You are going to need to look your absolute best on the day of the proposal to ensure that a stray nostril hair or blackhead doesn’t scupper your chances of having a wifey for lifey.

Popping the Q

There is nothing less attractive than a nervous proposal.

Of course, it’s daunting and you’re scared of what she’s going to say but just take a deep breath, do some power poses and ask her with the confidence of someone who is ready to be a spouse.

marryme.jpg

Pictured: Are you fiancé material or not?

None of this sweaty, voice breaking, anxious energy please – are you fiancé material or not?  

Other top tips:

  • Ask her when she’s a little tipsy but not fully drunk.

  • Make sure you have a photographer hiding in the bushes to capture the moment.

  • Get the person who knows her next best in the world (aside from you) to approve your proposal plans before you put it into action.

  • For the love of God, chew a mint.

  • Have fun with it – is she super traditional or does she like a modern twist?

  • Pay attention to her hints - trust me, she will be dropping them!

Now, all that remains for me is to wish you all the best for the most beautiful proposal.

You only get one chance at your first marriage, so don’t screw it up... And if you need a wedding planner then hit me up, babes!

Love you lots,

Auntie Fenella xxx

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