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The worst part of my week (apart from having to clean out my kitchen sink strainer) is when my phone and my laptop pop up with a notification telling me how much #screentime I had on average last week.
This is a section of your phone/computer which tracks a whole load of data about your #screentime – how long were you on your devices? What apps did you use? Why are you like this, you miserable, miserable excuse for a human being? You know, the usual.
Before I get into it: let the record reflect that I consider there to be nothing smugger in this world than the very devices you are so dependent on, secretly running a little tally behind your back every time you use them so that when you’re at your most vulnerable (Monday morning of all days!) they can remind you of how much you NEED THEM.
We wouldn’t stand for it if it was anything else, like if other vices like alcohol or cigarettes had an in-built judgement mode:
“Having another glass, are we? Interesting, because according to my calculations you’ve already spent an average of 5.5 hours per day this week pouring yourself wine and yet, here you are coming back for more...”
Pictured: "#screentime annoyingly reminds me how much time I spend on my phone, although it doesn't have to tell me every week, I already know!"
And, to add insult to injury(!!!), your phone also literally offers to limit your activity on certain apps, would you believe?!
The multi-million conglomerates who invented smartphones in such a way so that we would get completely addicted to them have added a feature to limit your use of the very product they’re selling. That is a gutsy business move if I ever saw one.
They may as well be saying:
“Go on, try and limit your TikTok time to one hour per day. Let’s see how you get on... but you know, now it’s forbidden fruit. Kind of makes it more enticing, right?”
WHY IS MY PHONE DOING REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY ON ME AND WHY IS IT WORKING??? Deep breaths, Martha, deep breaths...
Obviously, like lots of people these days, almost my entire working day takes place either on my laptop or my phone (DISCLAIMER: this is just one of many excuses I make in a feeble attempt to justify the frankly outrageous numbers on my weekly #screentime digest.)
Pictured: “Go on, try and limit your TikTok time to one hour per day. Let’s see how you get on... but you know, now it’s forbidden fruit. Kind of makes it more enticing, right?”
Yesterday, I picked up my phone 153 times. 153 TIMES! I don’t even remember a single important thing I used my phone for. Imagine if instead of picking up my phone I picked up some weights 153 times or picked up 153 pieces of litter outside or, I don’t know... picked up my own slack because I’m wasting my LIFE staring at a shiny brick!!!!
Well, this was more of an emotional rollercoaster than I was intending. I hope that you found this deep dive into my psyche relatable, educational, and informative.
Now, if you’ll excuse me I have a daily average of mindless scrolling to keep up...
