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NEWS EYE: New smart speakers designed for Jersey launched

NEWS EYE: New smart speakers designed for Jersey launched

Friday 26 August 2022

NEWS EYE: New smart speakers designed for Jersey launched

Friday 26 August 2022


Amazon has launched a new smart speaker specially designed for Jersey - and, not to be outdone, Apple has done the same.

Each will have their own bespoke virtual assistants to help islanders with their problems and requests.

For Amazon speakers, ‘Alexa’ becomes ‘Kristina’, while for Apple devices, ‘Siri’ becomes ‘Sami’

Each virtual assistant has their own unique way of solving the crises in your life, and meeting your requests for information.

‘Kristina’ offers a 100-day guarantee of satisfaction or your money back. She will passively listen to your complaints and respond to ‘hot words’ such as ‘transparency’, ‘engagement’ and ‘sanitary’. 

However, tests of Kristina by News Eye have revealed some glitches in her programming:

“Kristina, are we a tax haven?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question. I think we’ll leave it there.” 

“Sorry, Kristina … is Jersey used by the world’s wealthiest to avoid paying tax?”

“I SAID WE’LL LEAVE IT THERE!”

“Kristina, play ‘Dirty Cash’ by the Adventures of Stevie V”

”Playing ‘I‘m Every Woman’, by Whitney Houston.”

“Kristina, play your favourite song.”

“Playing ‘The Foolish Hospital on the Hill’, by the Binetles.”

“Kristina, what’s the weather forecast?”

“A very bright start but many predict dark clouds are on the horizon, which could scupper any plans for a happy and stress-free afternoon.”

Amazon has also brought out a super-sensitive version of the speaker with a virtual assistant called ‘David’, which claims to listen 24-hours a day and does not feature an off button.

Meanwhile, hot on the heels of ‘Kristina’ and ‘David’ is Apple’s ‘Sami’, which has its own band of loyal supporters. 

The manufacturer says that ‘Sami’ will offer stiff competition to ‘Kristina’ by taking a different approach to smart speaker technology. Rather than offer suggestions, ‘Sami’ will first hear your suggestions and then let you know if they’re any good or not. 

News Eye also tested ‘Sami’ to see if it was any good:

“Sami, tell me a joke.”

“The Council of Ministers”

“Sami, what are your favourite Bruce Springsteen songs?”

“Born Not to Run (for office)”, “Warr, Warr, What is He Good For?” and “Being Kept in the Dark”.

“Sami, play Mozart’s Flute Concerto”

“Playing Flashmob live at the Blue Note.”

“Sami, turn the volume down.”

“Turning volume up for imminent guitar solo by world’s best guitarist.”

‘Kristina’ speakers retail at £56.5m while ‘Sami’ versions are £5.65. Available in all good States Assemblies.

Warning: May contain satire.

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