A sad but inevitable story this week is that we won’t be cranking our necks to see the Red Arrows scream across St Aubin’s Bay next month.
Surely an air display would be relatively straightforward to maintain social distancing: just deploy an Apache to patrol along the bay and if anyone’s getting close to someone else?
Well, one final warning from Chris and Merv in the commentary box and, if there’s still no action, a tap on the red switch and you have the necessary gap.
Come to think of it, one of the old barnstorming biplanes could spray hand sanitiser over the bay and the Red Arrows could write public health notices in the sky. Being Red, however, might force them to self-isolate for 14 days beforehand, so we’d have to get the Amber or Green Arrows this year. I’m sure they’re still very good.
Pictured: The Red Arrows won't be visiting Jersey next month.
And even if we did get some corona transmission, it’d just be a short walk over the road to the Nightingale Hospital, which is hopefully still standing after a super-sonic fly past by the Viggen.
The other sad consequence is that our kids, who have been hard at it since April paddleboarding and hanging out with mates down the beach, won’t get a day off just a week after returning to school.
I do, however, think they’ll get through it.
Pictured: An essential beach accessory, the paddleboard.
Talking of SUPs and sunshine, quite a few motorists have received fines for parking on the gravel path that runs the length of St. Ouen’s Bay, especially at the St. Brelade’s end.
Quite right too, especially as there are two car parks just up the road up to Mont à la Brune. If your plan is to stretch supine for four hours, do you really need to increase the laziness by parking as close to the beach as you can?
The trouble is, going to the beach these days is no longer a case of grabbing a towel, a swimsuit and a book. No, today you need all sorts of accoutrements, including the paddle board (and pump), kayak, swim buoy, swim wetsuit, speaker, tent, throw-rocket and assorted surfboards. Yes, living the simple life is complicated these days.
Pictured: Clearing the green slime from St. Aubin's Bay.
Perhaps more people would choose St. Aubin over St. Ouen if it wasn’t covered in green slime.
Without sounding like one of the Monty Python Yorkshiremen (although, in using that reference, I inadvertently show a certain level of maturity), I don’t remember the bay ever being so green when I was a lad.
But just 30 years ago, air and sea temperatures were lower and we didn’t have such an intensive monoculture - here or in France - that requires the extensive (though, to be fair, lessening) use of fertiliser. As any farmer knows, we reap what we sow.