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There are fears that the good people of Small Island Creek have been standing in the Last-Chance Saloon for so long, that there could be trouble brewing.
Many people are starting to feel queasy and unsteady, as the barmen - Johnny and Ricardo - serve up measure after measure, allegedly in the best interests of customers.
As part of an ‘unhappy hour’ promotion at the saloon, the barmen say time and time again that the last measure served to each customer will be their last opportunity to drink before a curfew is imposed by the Sheriff - but still the measures keep coming.
The latest measure served to everyone at the bar was a special ‘circuit breaker’ shot (to the head) for the hospitality industry and gyms, but the Last-Chance Saloon is staying open as more measures are expected to be served in the coming days.
It came just two days after yet more high-strength measures were served. Observers suspect that, at this rate, the bar will soon run out of measures completely - putting the viability of the saloon’s whole strategy - of plying people with measures to prevent them going home - at risk.
Pictured: The Last-Chance Saloon is running out of measures to ply the Small Island folk with.
Some folk are so tired of necking bitter and unpalatable measures that they have said they would welcome the certainty of a full Sheriff’s curfew because they could at least close their shutters and be better protected should a second dust storm take hold, wreaking even more havoc in the Creek than the one earlier in the year.
One of the folk of Small Island Creek told News Eye: “I arrived at the Last-Chance Saloon more than a month ago, when we were told then that if we didn’t drink the measures served, we would be forced to get on our horses and ride home.
"Although I like a measure or two to settle my nerves, I’ve been standing in the Last-Chance Saloon for so long that I’m tired, weary, agitated and just want some rest.
“Also, the measures served at the saloon are really confusing: some I’m advised to drink, others I have to drink, some I was advised to drink but now I have to drink, some I have to drink but there’s no forfeit if I throw the drink over my shoulder, and some don’t seem to make much sense at all.
“Yet still Johnny and Ricardo keep serving up stronger and stronger measures, in an increasingly forceful fashion. And the saloon TV screens bombard us with warnings, statistics, press conferences, graphs, numbers, restrictions, Tweets, Facebook posts, emergency powers, and ministerial orders.
“The saloon owners don’t seem to understand that close-knit folk like ourselves don’t easily respond to an endless barrage of rules, diktats, and threats because it smacks of desperation. I’m only human and act like a human, but Johnny and Ricardo don’t seem to understand that.
“They are supposed to run the saloon in a professional manner, showing calmness and resolve. Yet they increasingly appear as frustrated, panicked and irritable as the very people they are supposed to be serving. Even the good doctor, usually a picture of calm, is starting to look a bit exasperated.”
A spokesman for the Last-Chance Saloon told News Eye: “We wanted a balanced approach to serving measures but in our efforts to please everyone, we appear to have pleased no one.
“We’ve put in an order of new non-alcoholic shots - made by the great Midwest brewery of Pfizer, Moderna and Smithkline - and we think the townsfolk will like these. We’re desperate - like, really desperate - for the shipment to arrive soon.”
