Young widow vows to help others after transformational travels

Friday 26 April 2019

A young widow, who left her life behind in Jersey and moved to the Himalayas after her husband died just one year into their marriage, is returning to the island to help others deal with grief and trauma.

Deborah Wood, who has spent her time abroad training as a life coach and healing therapist, will be coming back to Jersey at the end of May to share with islanders what she has learned in India.

The trip marks Deborah's first return to Jersey since 2013 and the death of her husband Darren, a popular painter and decorator. Since then, she has been on a transformational journey leading her to want to channel her grief into helping others, as she shared with Express...

Originally from Dublin, Deborah lived in Jersey for 14 years. She met Darren at Jersey Live and he proposed in 2011 in the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. He sadly died suddenly just one year after their wedding at the age of 34.

Pictured: Deborah and Darren on their honeymoon.

Darren’s death left Deborah devastated and she was eventually prescribed an antidepressant, which she said made her feel “completely numb.”

“I questioned why I needed to take antidepressants when I was grieving. I was depressed and upset but my husband had just died, and I was grieving," she told Express.

“I felt so numb, so I stopped the tablets straight away in order to let the grieving process take whatever course it took and wanted to express the pain I was feeling - not suppress it.”

It was around this point that Deborah sensed a need for change, culminating in a bold decision to leave the island. “I loved living in Jersey but at that stage, I found it difficult to get by, even though I tried to be strong.”

Pictured: Deborah moved to India in 2013.

She moved to India “to make something better for myself”, and brought Darren’s ashes with her.

“Years before Darren died, we had both talked about the places we would scatter the ashes if either one of us passed before the other. India was one of the places we had said we would go so it just seemed right.” 

“I needed to try and make more meaning in my life and find a way out of stress, anxiety, trauma, grief,” Deborah explained. “I was sick of putting on a false image. I needed something meaningful. It’s probably one of the best thing I could have done.”

Shortly after her arrival, Deborah started visiting different temples in India. She also witnessed a number of ceremonies for death on the Ganges river, which she says were more like beautiful celebrations than morbid rituals. 

Pictured: Deborah teaching energy healing in Goa.

Having practised yoga before, she also started taking classes while in India and “got a real feel for it.” “I did deep practices the Indian way ad then ended up signing up to become a yoga teacher" - an experience she said she found enlightening.

>But of everything she learned over the past six years, Deborah said there were two things of “utmost significance.”

She explained: “One, you have to be the master of your own mind, and, two, the only True Healer is your own body. We can at best support it to heal and therein lies the secret to infinite healing.” 

“What I mean by being the master of our mind is that it begins with understanding that the feeling of having a 'good life' or 'bad life' is merely a perception created by our mind. This is unfortunately biased by the state of our mind, our emotions, our feelings at any given time."

Pictured: "When we are not aware, we tend to operate on a constant mode of reaction to situations," Deborah says.

“Mastering the mind involves taking charge of this mind with self-awareness. When we are not aware, we tend to operate on a constant mode of reaction to situations, people and experiences instead of understanding and responding to life’s experiences," Deborah added.

Deborah says that with even a little bit of self-awareness, people can start taking charge and lead their lives rather than merely living.

“Even a small increase in self-awareness can lead to a significant improvement in the quality of life,” she explained.

Having become a grief counsellor and life-coach, Deborah co-founded ‘Ask Life Clarity’, which brings together a team of teachers and coaches who support people with depression, addiction, abuse, anxiety, stress, grief, as well as marriage or relationship issues.

Pictured: Deborah will be hosting a number of retreats and workshops in the island next month.

Deborah has decided to return at the end of May to host a number of retreats and workshops and share her expensive with islanders after hearing from friends in the island that they were facing lengthy waits for therapy.

“People are put on tablets for something that can be fixed. What they need is clarity, they need to understand why they are feeling like this. Once you have clarity you can never go back.”

She continued: “I am completely dedicated to this purpose in supporting people’s lives for the better in the right way and permanently and without medication... Health, well-being and mental health are my top priorities and I want to support as many as I possibly can while I am back in Jersey.

“Even if I will be here only for a short time, even if it’s only for a small population, if I can help them, isn’t that the best thing you can do?”

Anyone who wishes to get in touch with Deborah can contact her at deborah@asklifeclarity.com