VIDEO: It's hustings night at St Ouen

Wednesday 31 August 2016

Ah, those de Carterets.

They knew a thing or two about local Government. So much so that five of the first eight Connetables in the St Ouen Parish were so named. Old Pierre was the first, back when petrol cost less than £1 a gallon. In fact, way before that. 1531 to be precise.

There’s no de Carterets standing this time of course, as it is only the Senator’s role that is up for grabs, not the full blown Connetables.

But Pierre got in there early and so did Sarah Ferguson. An hour before the first parishioners showed up, there was Sarah dishing out her manifesto on each and every chair. 

Full marks to her for that, although her astute tactical manoeuvre swiftly backfired as her pamphlet was soon obliterated, engulfed by enough paper to fell at least two medium-sized forests.

The parish hall, even decked in outdoor scaffolding, is a lovely, aged, stone building, next door to a youth club in the centre of St Ouen, which is next door in turn to the Farmers Inn, where the real politics of the average household is regularly carried out. “Darling, I’m just off out to walk the dog, I’ll be about half an hour.” 

The candidates rolled in, one by one, adding to the paper pile, which was growing faster than it takes any self-respecting Jerseyman to finish off his pint of Liberation.

Of course, St Ouen is the big boy of the parishes. It may not have anything like the population of St Helier, but in size it is the Manchester United of Jersey. It’s so vast you can actually only see two man-made things from space, the Great Wall of China and St Ouen. Stretching across the North West corner of the Island and taking in some of its most precious vistas, St Ouen is big baby, big.

It is also a pretty, rural setting and on a late Indian summer’s evening such as last night, could there exist a better place to be on God’s earth? Apart from the Farmers Inn that is.

So now down to the agenda for the night as we enter the last full week before voting time.

First thing first, it is a role which will only last 20 months before the next full election takes place, but democracy is definitely more alive and kicking in Jersey than in the UK. The Labour Party leadership will be contested by a grand total of two towering politicians of the left, er, Jeremy Corbyn and some other bloke. While the Prime Ministership was simply doled out to the last woman standing. What a joke. The Ancient Greeks, with their love of all things democratic, would be turning in their taramasalata. For the real thing, go to St Ouen.

To get it cracking all candidates had three minutes to tub-thump in front of around 100 St Ouennais.

John Young kicked it off by saying he asked over 100 questions in his previous three representative years, which may or may not be a recommendation to vote for him, depending on whether they were any good.

Mike Dun announced himself as “The Brexit Man” but did not explain the mystery as to why his surname does not include an extra ‘n.’ He was scathing though about the current state of the States, denouncing it as a “stitch up.”

Christian May underlined his credentials by following Moses in making ten pledges. These included getting rid of the seaweed sludge in St Aubin, which even Moses himself would have struggled to part.

One vote winner though was May’s decision not to follow his namesake, namely the PM, by turning up in leopardskin kitten heels.

Current Deputy Sam Mezec was critical of his fellow States members as well as those who work for the Government. “The civil servant gravy train is bleeding the Island dry.” He then targeted the proposed Health Tax, saying a vote for him would “send a message that they have lost the argument.”

Stevie Ocean focused on immigration policy and asked voters to “vote for Ocean and keep the Island afloat.”

Former ITN newsreader Guy de Faye said all talented Jersey students should get a full grant, with those prizes doled out to the best students, as well as means tested.

Mary O’Keeffe-Burgher called herself the candidate of “law, equality, good housekeeping and immigration” and definitely wore the biggest rosette.

Hugh Raymond reeled them off: President of the Honorary Police Association, Chairman of the Sports Council and Vice chairman of Les Landes racecourse. Despite all those endless committees, he somehow found time to evoke the old Woody Guthrie song, by ending with “This is your Island, my Island and our Island.”

Sarah Ferguson talked of deficits and finance plans. “It is absolutely time profits made in Jersey, are taxed in Jersey.” We urgently need a tax review, she urged, then urged the crowd again: “Please use your vote, hopefully for Sarah Ferguson, but please use it.”

Finally Nick Le Cornu compared Jersey politics with that of Zimbabwe, not exactly a bastion of fiscal prudence. “Our politics are there to protect the interests of the rich, by raising taxes on low and middle income earners.”    

The first audience question was should politicians be allowed to lie? Bit of a broad one that. Christian May gave it his best shot, while Sam Mezec said the Council of Ministers were “deliberately dishonest” by racking up debts at the last election.

He also called for only one type of elected member, plus the distribution of Deputies should be made “much fairer, which means equal sized constituencies.”

Stevie Ocean reacted with a question of his own. “Who runs the Island, the Ministers or the civil servants?” Cue knowing nods all round. He then revealed he spoke to Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage before the last election and questioned their intellect. No wonder then Mr Farage has decided to hide behind his new moustache.

Guy de Faye insisted electoral reform is well overdue in Jersey, while Mary O’Keeffe-Burgher said the position of Connetables goes back to 1257, which means they have certainly lasted the test of time.

Hugh Raymond backed the Connetable system but said 49 States members with population of 100,000 is way too much.

Nick Le Cornu asked incredulously: “Do politicians lie? You know the answer to that. Of course they do.”

True, true. It’s fair to say even old Pierre de Carteret probably told the odd porky. Times do indeed change, but not that much.