Have you heard... about #negging?

Friday 02 April 2021

Have you heard about #negging? If you have heard about this, then I’m sorry. If you haven’t heard about this, then I’m sorry that I’m about to explain it to you.

Now, this term gets banded about on that lovely hellhole we call the internet quite a bit. It was popularised by straight men who have decided they’re so talented at getting dates that they simply MUST share their gifts with the rest of the world.

These so-called ‘Pick Up Artists’ (excuse me while I go vomit) have essentially appointed themselves to run online crash courses on platforms like YouTube which consist of tips and tricks of how to get ahead with any woman. These vloggers profess to have ‘cracked the code’ of what women want and feel a duty – no, no, a SOLEMN DUTY – to divulge their secrets so others can enjoy a taste of what they have. 

“Aw, that’s nice, they love women and they’re educating their male peers about how to admire and respect them in the world of dating...” 

NOT SO FAST! No one said anything about love, admiration, respect or basic human decency. NO! These are not good people. These videos come from a place of wanting to control and manipulate women into giving these men what they believe they’re owed by any and all women: romantic attention.

Pictured: Negging encourages men to manipulate women into dating them.

So, let’s take a little peek into their game plan, shall we? The idea of #negging someone is basically blasting them with a barrage of insults and backhanded compliments in a flirtatious encounter so that the recipient of said #negging feels they have to earn the other person’s approval. It deliberately and systematically manipulates a social situation so that someone feels belittled enough to work harder for the other’s affection, in the hopes that this will result in romantic success.

“What’s that, grandchildren? You want to hear the story of how your grandfather and I met? Ohh, I love telling this. Well, I was at the bar, just minding my own business when along came this handsome stranger. He told me that my hair was so nice it almost detracted from my buck teeth and from that moment I knew he was the one for me...”

Pictured: Those who take part use sites like Youtube to upload tutorials and tips on how to 'win over' a woman.

I mean, COME ON! Call me old-fashioned, but what happened to, oh I don’t know, making eye contact, asking interesting questions, actively listening and treating the person you want to date with some basic respect?! 

As with many of this ‘pick up’ strategies, the formula seems to be something along the lines of:

1. insult and manipulate the nice lady you intend to court.

2. ???????

3. Enjoy your new girlfriend!!!

I don’t get it. But what I do get is that these videos prey on men who feel lonely enough and under confident enough that they feel they have to use bizarre tactics like this in order to get ahead in the dating world.

If you’re thinking about #negging someone to give yourself the upper hand in any situation, do everyone a favour and just don’t, alright?

This column first appeared in Connect Magazine, which you can read HERE.