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AGONY AUNT: "I feel like they’ve all moved on without me"

AGONY AUNT:

Sunday 04 July 2021

AGONY AUNT: "I feel like they’ve all moved on without me"

Sunday 04 July 2021


Using her street smarts, her womanly intuition and a whole lot of Googling, Fenella Bond has opened her heart (and her inbox) to the humdrum disasters of regular people’s little lives.

This month, Jersey's favourite socialite turned agony aunt counsels a lonely reader who has lost touch with her friends...

Dear Fenella,

Over the last year I’ve really struggled to keep in touch with my friends and now I feel like they’ve all moved on without me. They’re hanging out and keeping in touch with each other, but no one has ever thought to check in with me. 

I just feel like it’s awkward for me to reach out at this point. Meanwhile, I’m stuck in the house on my own all day and I’ve got no one to talk to. Why do they hate me all of a sudden? Should I call them out or just move on and find new people?

Love,

Lonely in St. Lawrence

 

Aw babe! 

As a part-time life coach, full-time girl-boss in this crazy world, I don’t often have the time to get #totesemosh – but your letter really moved me! I honestly would have cried if I hadn’t just had my lash extensions re-done. 

Oh my gosh, it really just hit me what an icon I am. I just want to take a second to pat myself on the back for inspiring the public to open up about their lives. I really am the voice of a generation and it’s so brave of me to let myself be so vulnerable in doing this important work.

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Pictured: "Me and my besties Jem and Franka are basically on FaceTime 24/7."

Now, to your dilemma: obviously, I absolutely cannot relate to this situation because me and my besties Jem and Franka are basically on FaceTime 24/7 so we never miss a single thing. We all review each other’s manicures and advise on what SuperJuice to buy from the Brunch Bar – it’s all very serious business.

Of course, not all friendship groups can be as committed to one another as us, because we are totally astrologically compatible platonic soul mates after all (we had a psychic map out our friendship charts).

However, I have heard from other (less cosmologically aligned) groups of friends that what you’re experiencing has become way more of an issue over the recent lockdowns and that is so crappy for you and other lonely people! As a non-lonely person, I can only speak my truth but hopefully that will help you to see this whole thing from a different perspective.

If I were you, I would stop asking what your friends should be doing differently and start wondering if there are any changes you can make to improve your situation. Your friends probably have no idea that you’ve been feeling this way, because GUESS WHAT? They’re not mind readers! Unless you are friends with my psychic, she genuinely is a mind reader, like totes legit. 

I reckon that you need to own your part in this whole breakdown of communication. You didn’t reach out to them either and now you’ve got to put some effort in, so they know you still care about the friendship. You’ve assumed that they probably hate you, they’re probably feeling the same exact way! Or that you’re too busy/overwhelmed to be able to catch up or hang out with them.  

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Pictured: "The moral of the story is that sitting at home getting less and less flexible by the second isn’t going to help anyone."

By just wallowing in your feelings and letting your resentment build and build and build, you are making it harder for you to ever re-connect with your pals – if that’s what you want.  

This actually reminds me of a situation I had with my Bikram Yoga studio. Basically, during a session when I was struggling with a pose one of their tutors commented on how my pelvis was wider than average which means my body would find it harder to hold that position. I was mortified! Couldn’t believe that a yogic professional considers it appropriate to remark upon their students’ bodies – especially one as svelte and petite as mine! 

I was so cross and humiliated that I decided not to go back there, but then I couldn’t even find another place that had Egyptian Cotton towels, so I had to give up my Bikram Yoga practice altogether. Then, one day, I marched in, filed a formal complaint which got the tutor fired and now I can do my sweaty yoga safe in the knowledge that no one will imply I have big hips ever again.

Wow, what an elegant analogy, I am honestly so good at this Agony Auntie lark. So, Lonely, do you see what I’m trying to say? The moral of the story is that sitting at home getting less and less flexible by the second isn’t going to help anyone and it certainly isn’t going to tone your pert bottom in time for summer. So quit moping around the house by yourself and get out there and do something! 

If that’s finding new friends, meeting up with your old ones or just taking yourself out on a date, it doesn’t matter! But you are a social butterfly, and you need to spread your wings, gosh darn it! 

So, get out there and flutter! Oh, and don’t forget to tag me on Insta when you do, babes!

Loads of love,

Auntie Fenella xxx 

This column first appeared in June's edition of Connect Magazine, which you can read HERE.

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