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News that former Government chief Charlie Parker received £500,000 for failing to follow due process, making up a press release and choosing a five-day-a-year non-exec position over his full-time role has led to a surge in people interested in the job.
A search is currently on for a full-time CEO, who will take over from interim boss Paul Martin next year.
With the certainty of a healthy pension, more-than-generous salary, no way of being disciplined, a total lack of oversight and the option to leave with two years’ salary for doing nothing, thousands of people have sent in applications this week.
One applicant, who currently runs a fruit-and-veg stall in St. Albans, said he had turned down the offer of being a majority shareholder in Apple as the Jersey job sounded more lucrative.
“It sounds too good to be true,” he said. “You come over to Jersey, get a nice paid-for pad, do what you want, leave after three years just before you hit retirement, and get half-a-million quid when you do.
“There’s no threat of disciplinary action, you get to employ your mates and you only report to a politician getting paid £50-odd grand a year and who has probably never managed more than five people and only went into politics because they ‘wanted to do something about the population’.
“We don’t even have to come up with any fresh ideas because we’re under strict instructions to carry on with the projects that the other bloke dreamt up. The main one is apparently called OneGuv - if that doesn’t indicate who’s in charge then I don’t know what does!
“However, there are real responsibilities: for instance, the job description says that the successful applicant will have to change the name of Housing, Infrastructure, Planning, Growth and Environment department at least twice a year.
“They’ll also have to arrange who sits where in the new office block, heavily subsidise the consultancy industry and improve the staff survey results, so that more than 40% of employees think the CEO is doing a good job. I think I can do that.
“Annual performance appraisals can be with whoever you choose, so I’ve nominated my mum.”
A Government spokeswoman defended the payout: “People might think that £500,000 is a lot of money but, in fact, it will only get you a two-bedroom flat on the outskirts of town,” she said. “We do accept, though, that it would go considerably further if you want to buy a place anywhere else in the world."
She continued: ”The huge financial rewards and lack of accountability have also piqued the interest of senior civil servants worldwide so maybe, just maybe, we might get someone who stays the course and ends their tenure without scandal or calls for heads to roll.”
Owing to covid restrictions, interviews for the new job will take place in Bali in September.
WARNING: This article may contain satire...
