FOCUS: “Not lazy, not broken” – Islander raises awareness of hidden impact of undiagnosed ADHD

Warning: This article includes mentions of self-harm and suicide.

An islander has spoken out about the hidden toll of undiagnosed ADHD, revealing how years of confusion and self-doubt pushed her to the brink – and why she is now determined to help others feel less alone.

Rachel Jones, who grew up in Jersey but now lives between the island and London, hosted an event at the Town Hall earlier this month called ‘Not Lazy. Not Broken: Understanding ADHD and Its Hidden Impact on Mental Health‘.

Addressing the audience, the 21-year-old shared how not understanding her struggles led her to view them as “character flaws”, contributing to self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

Rachel was only diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 19.

Until then, she believed the condition mainly affected “young boys, super-hyper girls or people struggling in school” – and because she achieved good grades, she never considered it might apply to her.

Behind the scenes, however, she was struggling.

While she appeared to be coping academically, at home she found it difficult to get out of bed, stay organised or care for herself.

“Everything was so overwhelming and tiring to just live,” she said.

“I thought about killing myself at least once a day”

Rachel said she convinced herself her feelings were invalid, believing she was “being ungrateful” in a world where “people all over the world” face “war, hunger and death”.

She recalled thinking: “What a horrible person I must be to be so unhappy when there’s nothing wrong with me.”

That internalised guilt soon spiralled into self-harm.

“I remember the first time I cut myself,” she said. “I thought I deserved it. It released stress. But I still felt guilt.”

She described experiencing intense self-doubt, often dismissing her own feelings as unjustified.

“No one can know, no one can see, they’ll think I’m an attention seeker. Maybe I am. I’m not depressed. I’m just dramatic. I have nothing to be sad about. I have nothing wrong with me.”

Over time, Rachel said these thoughts developed into persistent suicidal ideation.

“After that, I would think about killing myself at least once a day,” she recalled. “At least that would make it stop. But I can’t, that’s selfish.”

She also spoke about the pressure to conceal her struggles, explaining that even in her darkest moments she was worried about “masking” – hiding traits to try to fit in with neurotypical social standards.

Throughout this period, she said she felt a strong sense of responsibility towards her family.

“It’s not fair to my parents, they’ll have so much to deal with,” she recalled thinking. “I can’t add to their stress. I can’t be a burden. It’s fine, I’ll deal with it.”

“For the first time, I questioned maybe I wasn’t being dramatic”

This “carried on for years”, Rachel said, until she began seeing social media posts describing forms of ADHD she had never heard of – including ADHD paralysis, rejection sensitivity disorder, and time blindness.

“I remember the first post I saw about ADHD paralysis – the overwhelming feeling of wanting to do something but not being able to physically move,” she explained.

“That’s how I feel. I want to do it, but I just can’t.”

While “ADHD paralysis” is not a formal diagnostic term, it describes a recognised difficulty with starting tasks – linked to problems with executive function, the part of the brain responsible for planning and carrying out actions.

Rachel said she continued to come across other, lesser-known experiences commonly reported by people with ADHD, including rejection sensitivity disorder, time blindness, and cycles of emotional “high highs and low lows”.

Time blindness – the inability to accurately sense the passage of time – is also not included in official diagnostic criteria, but the related challenges with time management are.

Similarly, rejection sensitivity dysphoria – the intense emotional response to perceived rejection – is widely reported by people with ADHD and recognised as a common trait, including on NHS resources.

“The diagnosis felt like a relief” but I wasn’t “fixed”

When she was finally diagnosed, Rachel said it “felt like a relief”, giving her “concrete evidence” that she “wasn’t just a bad person”.

But alongside that relief came grief. She said she felt sadness for her 13-year-old self who “didn’t think it was worth sticking around”.

Understanding what lay behind her struggles was, she said, the “first piece of the puzzle” that allowed her “to not just live, but to thrive”.

However, she was quick to stress that a diagnosis was not an instant solution.

“It wasn’t just bibbity-bobbity-boo you’re fixed,” she said.

Determined to turn her life around, Rachel threw herself into finding answers – opening her laptop and searching “how to be productive with ADHD”.

After 14 hours of scrolling, she believed she had found the solution.

“I was going to be the most productive, the tidiest, the most gym-going, salad-eating, early-birding, clear-skinned, happiest ADHDer on the planet,” she said.

But when those strategies failed to work, the familiar feelings of shame returned.

“If this works for ADHD and I can’t do it, I must be the issue, I must be the failure, maybe it’s not ADHD, maybe I’m just dramatic,” she recalled.

But over time, Rachel found what worked for her: a combination of medication and ADHD coaching.

“It changed my life,” she said. “I never knew I could live like this. ADHD doesn’t get fixed, but we have support systems, conversations, and we have acceptance.”

Now, Rachel is using her experience to raise awareness.

She works as Head of Engagements and Partnerships for Empower ADHD, which provides coaching to adults, students, parents and professionals.

And she isn’t alone…

In her presentation, Rachel stressed that ADHD is far more common than many people realise.

She said most people will know someone with the condition – diagnosed or not – with an estimated 140 million people affected worldwide.

She also highlighted the importance of early diagnosis, noting that ADHD is often accompanied by mental-health difficulties.

According to the figures she shared, between 33% and over 50% of adults with ADHD report experiencing suicidal thoughts, while 13% – around 18.2 million people – say they have attempted suicide.

Women, she added, face a higher risk, with around one in four reporting an attempt.

To bring those figures closer to home, Rachel applied them to Jersey’s population of roughly 103,000 to 105,000 people.

Based on an estimated 5% prevalence rate, she said there could be around 5,000 islanders living with ADHD – of whom approximately 2,050 may have experienced suicidal thoughts.

She acknowledged these estimates may not directly reflect the island, as a range of factors can influence outcomes.

However, she said applying the statistics to a small community like Jersey helps to highlight the real people behind the numbers.