A 68-year-old Jersey writer has released her debut poetry collection inspired by her experience navigating life with bipolar disorder.
Carol Gaudion recently published her first book, Birthing Dancing Stars, which she describes as both the fulfilment of a dream and a personal record of her experience living with mental illness.
“Sixty years later I am still in awe of the process of poetry and the magic it produces,” she said. “Writing has been one of the main threads that has held my life together.”
Carol wrote her first poetry at the age of seven.
“I was in my parents’ bedroom looking over the sea and sky of Ouaisné beach, and it came to me as if from nowhere,” she explained.
Carol said that from an early age she felt certain she wanted to study at Oxford and become a poet, but admitted: “I knew even then that poetry is hard work and can be a calling.”
After studying at Jersey College for Girls, she earned a scholarship to Oxford University and completed an English degree – but her poetry was “not well received”.
“There was a lot of sexism and also I wrote about dark emotions,” she explained.
After returning to Jersey, Carol was diagnosed with manic depression – now known as bipolar disorder – at the age of 22.
“I have struggled with this all through my adult life, often becoming seriously unwell,” she explained.
Four years ago, Carol chose to move into a care home, which she said gave her “the stability to work on this great love”.
“Since then, I have been writing consistently,” she explained.
“I have had the courage to share what I’ve been writing, and some people have said they like what I write.”
Carol said poetry had long been “bubbling under the surface like an underground stream, sometimes finding its way to the surface”.
She described her new book as “a record of a journey, from the why I left my last flat to coming to the home and my life here with its ups and downs, its landmarks and milestones, growth and change”.
The poet added: “So many circumstances have conspired for me to birth this book.
“It’s taken a lot of faith from others in me and from me in myself; a lot of hard work; gaining new skills; new confidence with people; deepened friendships.”
Carol explained that there are many reasons as to why she writes.
“I write to express myself,” she said.
“I write because it is hard work that I enjoy; I write because I find something interesting or beautiful or both; I write to bring out the light that I believe lies in the darkest of things, inside me and outside me; I write from grief and I write from joy; I write because I love doing so; I write because it is a large part of who I am.”
The author also hopes that others may find comfort in her work.
“The older I get, and I’m now 68, the more I realise how important it is to share of oneself and listen to other people,” said Carol.
“May we all be heard, may we all learn to listen, may our true heart dreams come true.”
Birthing Dancing Stars is available to purchase from the Harbour Gallery and K-Earth.