Jersey's favourite socialite-turned-Agony Aunt has been addressed once again, this time to deal with a self-care crisis.
Fenella Bond had this to say to 'Neglected in Noirmont'...
I’m hoping with all my might that you respond to this letter, because I don’t know where else to turn at this point. I’m hearing so much about ‘self-care’ these days and whilst it sounds like it would be good for me, I just have no idea where to start with it all. I don’t really feel like a facemask is going to solve all my problems, but maybe I’m missing something...
I’ve been feeling really stressed out lately and like I’m not really looking after myself properly. Everything is ‘go go go’ and my me-time is essentially non-existent at this point. Do you have any tips for a self-care novice?
Any advice would be super helpful! You’re such an icon.
Neglected in Noirmont xxx
When I became an agony auntie, I always envisaged that I would be making the world a better place by helping average looking people with their problems. Very few people are willing to risk it all and help others when they’re at their most vulnerable: you’ve got frontline health workers, police officers, firefighters and me, the coolest agony aunt in town. And raise those sirens, babe, because this is a certified self-care EMERGENCY!
I’m so glad you wrote to me before this crisis gets any worse. I’m just imagining you now, a poor sad sack with unexfoliated skin and *gasp* unthreaded eyebrows. The state of you doesn’t even bear thinking about, but you don’t need to worry anymore – Auntie Fenella to the rescue!
As you may have already guessed, self-care is one of my absolute fave things in life. I consider it to be less of an activity and more of a lifestyle choice – you know what I mean? I mean, now I’m a bit of a self-care connoisseur, but it hasn’t always been that way. It’s a really hard thing for me to talk about publicly, but I’ve got to meet your honesty with my own vulnerability too. I’m not sure the world is ready to hear this but... okay, here goes...
One time, when I was 22, I fell asleep without taking my makeup off.
Pictured: "Self-care is the key to your life, and it is actually really simple! Just look after your skin and self-esteem!"
Ugh, I know it’s disgusting!!! I would like to caveat this confession by saying that it was a one-time thing and I was thinking about my 15-step skincare routine the entire time. I’m not the same person as I was then and I hope that my fans can, in time, learn to accept me despite this shock revelation. I’d appreciate if you all could respect my privacy at this most difficult time.
The reason I share this deeply personal and traumatic episode with you, Neglected, is to show you that everyone has to start their self-care journey somewhere and just because you’re late to the game doesn’t mean that you can’t turn things around. I’m proud of you for admitting that you have a problem – that is the first step on the road to glowy skin and some even glowier self-esteem.
First things first, you said in your letter that you, “…don’t really feel like a facemask is going to solve all my problems.” *Ahem* my sweet, naïve, summer child – and I say this with love – I have never heard such a misguided opinion in my entire life and I briefly dated Elon Musk! If you’re serious about this self-care business, then you are going to have to switch up that mindset. And never say those words in that order ever again or you’re going to hurt my feelings.
Of course, I’m not so silly that I believe skincare is a way to achieve self-acceptance – I believe that skincare is basically the ONLY way to achieve self-acceptance. Because at the end of the day it’s not about the products or even about the way it makes your face look; it’s about taking some time away from everything else to love on yourself (cheeky!)
Pictured: "A face-mask is a make or break, a de-stress or an agitate, but I have faith that any of my face-masks will solve all your problems in less than a second."
When I’m in the throes of my multi-tiered season-specific dermatologist prescribed skincare routine which I carry out three times a day, it’s a rare moment in my otherwise perfect life where everything is about numero uno (that’s Spanish for number one, which is metaphorical for meaning me, Fenella Bond). I get to caress my face, look at my reflection and truly connect with myself when everything else I do is all about prioritising and helping other people – you know?
My question is why don’t you think you deserve anything less than total indulgence, self-love and adoration? I mean, maybe you ought to start there before you start mouthing off about facemasks being pointless.
Listen, my point is that self-care isn’t just about slapping on a facemask and hoping all your problems will vanish, it’s about slapping on a facemask from my new skincare brand Double ‘O’-Heaven and knowing that all your problems will vanish!
That’s right! As a special treat and to start you off on your self-care journey, I’m gifting you a hamper of products from my new beauty brand complete with Fenella Flutter False Eyelashes and Double Action Cleanser ‘My Pore-fect Life’. You’re welcome #gifted
You’ll be well on your way to self-care sass in no time, babycakes.
Love you long time!
Auntie Fenella xxx
This column first appeared in Connect, which you can read HERE.