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Jersey's favourite socialite-turned-Agony Aunt has been called upon to answer the question of what to do when you feel work colleagues don't take you seriously.
This month, Fenella Bond dishes her advice to 'Mr Cellophane'...
Dear Fenella,
I’m up for a promotion at work, but I’m worried that no one takes me seriously. I’m good at what I do, and I know I get results, but my colleagues think I’m a pushover and constantly undermine me. If I put food in the communal fridge, someone else will eat it without a moment’s thought... IN FRONT OF ME!
It’s really getting me down, but the more they walk all over me, the weaker I feel. This role would put me in a managerial position, and I’m scared that no one will see me as an authority figure.
I really want and need this promotion, but I’m worried that my social standing will affect the outcome. You’re so confident and you have no trouble being yourself all the time – what’s your secret and how can I channel a bit of Fenella in my life?
Hope you can help,
Mr. Cellophane.
Hi babes,
First thing’s first: major congrazialations on being up for a promotion. You are giving me serious Anne Hathaway in ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ vibes. Effortlessly beautiful (I’m reading between the lines here), a little unsure of themselves and, most likely, a Virgo – am I right? Your letter made me so sad I had to take a bubble bath just to re-centre myself.
Now that I’m all revitalised and smelling like lavender, I have the strength to give you the same advice my spiritual guide and healer gave me when my parents threatened to cut off my allowance:
…don’t ever let anyone – especially not these puny, insignificant humans - make you feel less than an absolute boss who deserves every success in life!
Since the day I heard those words, I have become the Fenella you know and worship today – but I wasn’t always like this. There was a time when – oh, it’s painful just writing these words to you – I didn’t even get my eyebrows threaded twice a week. I cannot stress how hard it is to admit that in a public forum, but I see that you’re truly suffering, and I hope my struggle goes some way to easing your pain.
I appreciate it must be hard to believe given the effortless, elegant vision you see before you today, but I too used to be an awkward, clumsy, painfully shy heiress who had never touched a bottle of fake tan in her life. Now, I’m not too proud to admit I was a low-life nobody with no friends and only 500 followers on Instagram – just like you.
Then one day, I decided that I wasn’t going to leave my destiny up to anyone else except myself (and my ever so slightly aggressive healer). I woke up and I chose change.
I changed my entire appearance and my whole personality so that I would be more palatable for a world that rejects and undermines women who don’t conform to their ever-narrowing standards.
What was I talking about again...? Ah yes, that’s right, YOUR PROBLEMS. So yeah, you might just start with, oh I don’t know, standing up for yourself at work a bit more, maybe?
I swear to all that is good and holy (Gucci, Dior, D&G) if someone had the AUDACITY to eat MY FOOD that I had carefully prepared and packed for a long day at work IN FRONT OF MY VERY EYES, NO LESS, I would have to go full Tiger King on their plucky behinds. I don’t care who they are or if they were starving hungry, that is an unforgivable crime which contravenes all unspoken rules of polite workplace management.
The way I see it, you have two options: either make up a malicious rumour about them so that they become ostracised from the rest of the team, thereby leaving a space open for you to slide into... OR, you can tell them to make their own goddamn quinoa salad and to leave yours alone.
It’s funny, I was just talking about this with my close, personal friend Kylie Jenner the other day... the only reason people feel they can walk all over you is because you take every opportunity to disguise yourself as a doormat in their presence. Now, you may be a very cute, sensitive and ambitious doormat, but let’s be honest, no one pauses at the front door to find out about its personality, now do they? So, do you want to be a doormat? Huh? Do you?
I bet your parents would be very disappointed to discover that instead of raising a fine young adult who can hold their own in the world, they had in fact birthed and spent years rearing and feeding a bit of shaggy cloth that people wipe their shoes on, wouldn’t they?
So, come on then! Show Auntie Fenella what you’re made of (and please don’t say insecurity and unresolved self-esteem issues).
Ahead of your next working day, I want you to do what I do:
Kick off the day with a high-intensity ‘Bums, Tums and Abs’ workout.
Relieve some tension in your LED aromatherapy shower (I assume everyone has one of those, right?!).
Dress up in your cutest outfit (bonus points if it’s designer!)
Look in the mirror and repeat: “I am the main character in my own story.”
Pop on some lip gloss and you’re ready to go!
I believe in you, babes, but no one’s going to take you seriously if you don’t take yourself seriously. Oh my god I need to put that in my bullet journal, I am so wise.
Love you long time, oh and P.S. quit meal-prepping like a loser!
Your fave, Auntie Fenella xxx
