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NEWS EYE: Targets sped up after emissions surge in Queen's Valley

NEWS EYE: Targets sped up after emissions surge in Queen's Valley

Friday 22 September 2023

NEWS EYE: Targets sped up after emissions surge in Queen's Valley

Friday 22 September 2023


The Government’s Carbon Neutral Roadmap has been accelerated after a surge in emissions caused by people driving to view a large globe in Queen’s Valley.

Choosing not to follow Rishi Sunak’s election-losing u-turn, Jersey’s Ministers are forging ahead with their net zero targets after 200 additional tonnes of carbon were spewed out from petrol and diesel cars travelling the site of the awareness-raising installation, Floating Earth.

There, extra energy was also expended by people taking 10,000 photos and posting them on Facebook.

In response to the extra emissions, the artist has updated the sphere to paint Tahiti and the Maldives blue.

Among the throng visiting the tethered orb are conspiracy theorists from around the world, who believe that the first moon landing was actually staged at Queen’s Valley, with any image of the earth actually the 10m blow-up ball.

They have pointed out that if you look very carefully at original footage from 1969, you can actually see a sign for Ransoms over Buzz Aldrin’s left shoulder.

Far from a ‘giant leap for mankind’, they argue, on that July day Neil Armstrong and Aldrin actually took a small step to the Dolphin for a pint and chicken espetada, while Michael Collins drove round and round Gorey in his Ford Anglia ‘command module’ looking for a parking space.

earth from moon.jpg

Pictured: Queen's Valley in July 1969, when the gravel on the track was a little greyer, with more potholes.

However, Collins got lost and ended up abandoning his vehicle at Les Platons, which was photographed by passing dog walkers the next morning. But NASA hastily took the fake spaceship to Area 51 (north Guernsey) before it could be exposed, the theorists purport.

Such assertions have been largely debunked, along with the theory that attempting to reduce carbon emissions while supporting the building of a private jet hangar at the Airport is a blatant example of double-standards.

The theorists, along with everyone else, had to leave Queen’s Valley on Wednesday evening because, in a twist of irony, extreme weather had made the installation unsafe.

Meanwhile, the planet warms, the ice caps melt, habitats erode and mass extinction threatens. But as long as we’re ok…

WARNING: Once again, this is absolute made-up nonsense, dreamt up when tired and hungry ...

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