It is pleasing to see that Condor will sail to France this weekend after an agreement was brokered with striking dockers.
The details of that deal have not been published. However, I have managed to obtain an exclusive transcript of discussions, which I have translated as best I can:
Stephan Dore (le docker): “With corona, we have no football, no boules, no babyfoot; our only national pastime left to us is to burn tyres and exercise our republican right to disrupt normal life with no hope of achieving our ill-thought-out aims.”
Condor: “Oui, bien sur. But we are bringing in hundreds of passengers who will inject millions of euros into your damaged economy by buying copious amounts of overpriced ice cream, cheeses that they’ll end up throwing away when they get home and inflatable pizza slices for the pool.”
Stephan Dore: “Oui, but we don’t want all you rostbif coming ‘ere, with your Brexit values, that remind us that we all secretly distrust Brussels as much as you do.”
Condor: “But we are different because our passengers are from Jersey, not Angleterre. Our Chief Minister is a Le Fondré, our Treasury Minister is a Pinel, our Health Minister is a Renouf, and our Home Affairs chief is, quite literally, a Norman.”
Stephan Dore: “Et votre Ministre de l’Environnment?
Condor: “Umm, that’ll be Jean Jeune.”
Pictured: Intra Muros ... so near but yet so far.
Stephan Dore: “But you hate us. I have heard your chef de pêchers Don Thompson speak about us. He calls us “bloody bogan wombats”. I have no idea what zat means but it doesn’t sound pleasant. Bay of Granville Agreement? Zut alors! There’s a clue who’s Bay it belongs to, n’est pas?”
Condor: “Ok, we understand. But if you let our passengers come to you, you can come to us. Parents throughout Brittany can have a day off from their children, sending them to St Helier to roam about in packs, eat their body weight in sweets, and get pushed in the Liberation Square fountain by their copains. They even get a free corona test!”
Stephan Dore: “Ok, perhaps we can reach some entente cordiale. When do you want to come?”
Condor: “Sailings will be between noon and 4 pm.”
Stephan Dore: “Ah, you should have said! If you think we’re protesting during le déjeuner, you do not understand the limitations of our ardent zeal for change. Bienvenue en France!. We look forward to welcoming you with a big Breton hug and hope you enjoy the sights and smells of St Malo.”
Condor: “Umm ....”