A St Helier café has found itself issuing what may be one of the most unusual public statements in hospitality history: a formal assurance that dogs are not regularly dining at tables, eating burgers, or knocking back pints of lager.

LuMa Café was forced to publish a “public service announcement” after receiving a complaint about social media photographs featuring canine mascots, Moss and Fern.

The images – which show the two French bulldogs posed beside burgers, ribs and a pint of Modelo – were apparently convincing enough to prompt concerns that the pair were living a lifestyle more commonly associated with a Friday night at the Weighbridge than a dog basket.

In a statement that deserves immediate preservation in Jersey’s cultural archives, the café explained that Moss and Fern are “highly trained professional models” who merely pose near food “for content purposes only”.

Management also felt compelled to clarify that the dogs do not, in fact, sit at restaurant tables every day, enjoying meals with customers.

Nor, despite photographic evidence to the contrary, are they drinking alcohol.

“Moss can barely handle zoomies after 7pm, never mind a pint of Modelo,” the café wrote.

The saga took an even more unexpected turn when Environmental Health reportedly paid a visit to LuMa Café following the complaint.

According to the café, officers were “absolutely lovely” and “slightly embarrassed they even had to investigate this masterpiece of a complaint”.

The café said tables and chairs are thoroughly cleaned after photoshoots, drinks are poured away, and any food used in the images is discarded afterwards.

For anyone still worried about the dogs’ welfare, management confirmed that “the dogs are paid appropriately in sausages, snacks, and unconditional love”.

The incident has sparked amusement online, with many social media users expressing disbelief that a complaint had progressed far enough to warrant official attention.

Moss and Fern appear untroubled by the controversy and are expected to continue their modelling careers immediately.

Sources close to the dogs say they remain focused on brand partnerships, hospitality content creation, and securing additional sausage-based remuneration packages.

Environmental Health has not commented on whether either animal was asked to produce identification proving they were over 18 in dog years.