A campaigner has shared a checklist to help islanders recognise the signs of coercive control – behaviour described as “one of the most insidious forms of abuse” – as part of a governemnt awareness drive.
Samantha Billingham, founder of UK organisation Stronger Beginnings, is encouraging islanders to familiarise themselves with the ‘ABC’ checklist she has developed.
Drawing on her own experience of abuse, the resource points to changes in appearance, behaviour and conversation that may suggest someone is in a controlling relationship.
After having spoken out about her experience in March, when the governemnt launched the coercive control campaign, Ms Billingham is again sharing her story this October to mark Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
She explained: “If we’re not talking about coercive control, we’re not talking about domestic abuse. When someone is experiencing coercive control because they may not talk about it, it can be difficult to help them. But as I know from first-hand experience, there are often things which change about someone who is in a controlling relationship.
“The ABC I have created stands for Appearance, Behaviour and Conversation. These are all things which might change in someone and can be looked out for. This can be particularly important at work, and sometimes, that’s the only safe place for the victim to be.
“Changes in appearance can relate to someone not being well-groomed. Behaviour changes can include things like not making eye contact or being quiet and withdrawn. Changes in conversation can include being hesitant or evasive. Loved ones, friends, family and colleagues can help a person who might be experiencing this just by listening.”
Speaking to Express earlier this year, Ms Billingham revealed the devastating reality of coercive control that kept her trapped in an abusive relationship for years.
At first, her partner did not hit her, but he monitored her movements, cut her off from friends, timed her bathroom visits and accused her of infidelity whenever she left the house.
Later, the control escalated into violence, and she eventually escaped after he assaulted her while she was holding their infant daughter.
Now, nearly two decades later, Ms Billingham understands what she experienced was coercive control – a hidden but dangerous form of domestic abuse that she says is “worse than physical violence” – and now delivers education sessions across the UK to raise awareness of the warning signs.
Coercive control, which was made a specific offence in 2023 under Jersey’s first domestic abuse law, is now widely recognised as the foundation of many abusive relationships.
It describes a pattern of psychological and emotional abuse designed to dominate and isolate victims while removing their sense of independence and autonomy.
This can include limiting a partner’s access to money, friends, transport or work, as well as dictating how they dress or behave.
Support services in Jersey have also welcomed the ABC checklist.
Sarah Hamon, service manager for Jersey Domestic and Sexual Abuse Support, said: “The ABC Checklist is an easy tool, for all islanders to use, to identify changes they may be seeing in friends, family members, or colleagues. The red flags of domestic abuse are often first noticed by those closest to the victim-survivor.”
Freeda CEO Kate Wright added: “Coercive control is one of the most insidious forms of abuse because it can be hidden in plain sight.
“That’s why campaigns like this matter – they give survivors and their friends, colleagues and employers the tools to notice when something isn’t right, and the confidence to reach out with care.
“No one should suffer in silence, and support is here in Jersey for anyone who needs it.”
LISTEN…
Earlier this year, reporter Jodie Yettram spoke with Ms Billingham about how she became trapped in an abusive relationship, the psychological toll of coercive control, and the challenges she faced when trying to leave…
What is coercive control?
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour used to dominate, isolate, and manipulate victims. It can include:
- Cutting someone off from friends and family
- Monitoring their movements and time
- Controlling finances and restricting access to money
- Humiliating or degrading them
- Threatening harm or making them feel unsafe
- Limiting access to work, education, or medical services
- “It’s not your fault,” Ms Billingham said. “No matter what the perpetrator says to you, it is not your fault. It happens because they choose to treat you that way.”
How to spot the signs and what to do
Ms Billingham’s “ABC checklist” refers to things that employers can look for to identify potential signs of coercive control in an employee.
- A – Appearance: Changes in appearance, such as not being wellgroomed or looking dishevelled.
- B – Body language: Changes in body language, such as avoiding eye contact or seeming withdrawn.
- C – Conversation: Changes in communication style, such as being hesitant or evasive in conversations.
The key is for employers to be aware of any noticeable changes in these areas, as they could be indicators that the employee is experiencing coercive control in their personal
life.
If someone discloses abuse, Ms Billingham stresses that the most important response is to listen. “They don’t need fixing. They just need you to listen and believe them.”
SUPPORT…
Jersey Domestic and Sexual Abuse Support (JDAS) offer specialist support and guidance in relation to domestic or sexual abuse incidents. Support is provided before, during and after any police investigation or court hearing. It is also available when police are not involved. Call: 01534 880505 or email JDAS@gov.je.
The SARC at Dewberry House provide expert independent and confidential support to victims of sexual abuse. The Centre comprises of a team of experts with a wealth of knowledge and experience in advising, supporting and treating anyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted. Call: 01534 888222.
Jersey Action Against Rape (JAAR) provide and maintain a supporting framework for survivors and their families. Tel: 01534 482801.
FREEDA (Freedom from Domestic Abuse) offer a 24-hour helpline, access to safe accommodation as well as help and support for victims of domestic abuse. Tel: 01534 28271.
Victims First Jersey is a free and independent service offering confidential support to victims and witnesses of crime. Tel: 0800 7351612.