NEWS EYE: Jersey preps for "Jexit Exit from Brexit"

Friday 23 June 2023

The Government is planning an ‘Exit from Brexit’ after concluding that the UK’s decision to leave the EU - taking Jersey with it - was “more than a bit rubbish”.

It is understood that a team of civil servants in the Economy Department have been poring over documents desperately trying to find a single benefit of no longer having Protocol 3 - but have thrown their hands up in defeat.

With Jersey’s service sector desperately short of staff after European workers deserted the island, homeowners beholden to rising UK interest rate changes, relations with France strained after the fishing dispute, islanders with homes in Europe restricted to 90 days there, and young Brits unable to enjoy a ski season or summer job, the Government is considering leaving the UK-EU trade agreement and joining the EU.

Said a ministerial spokesperson: “If Gibraltar can negotiate its own relationship with the EU, why can’t we? The west puts so much emphasis on ‘democracy’ and yet islanders weren’t given any voice on their fundamental constitutional position. It all smells a bit like the Bellozanne outfall to me.”

The “Jexit Exit from Brexit”, as it has been branded, would be subject to a referendum, with 30 seconds of prime time TV allocated to the benefits of Jersey being distanced from its continental neighbour, because that’s all the time that would be needed.

WARNING: A weak attempt at satire. None of this is real...