REVIEW: Delicious deliveries

Sunday 31 May 2020

While he normally frequents local cafés and restaurants in search of good food and tip-top service, a strictly anonymous, definitely unpaid and totally independent food critic has had to turn to takeaways during lockdown.

Connect columnist Harry Smiles has very high standards, and they also apply to the food delivered to his door as his most recent review shows...

"As an introvert, I have always had a soft spot for takeaways.

They save me the trouble of having to interact with fellow mortals, and mean I can enjoy my dinner in my most comfortable pair of pyjamas, thus avoiding the awkward stage of the dinner where I need to undo the top button of my trousers.  

Pictured: "As an introvert, I have always had a soft spot for takeaways," Harry says.

But with lockdown in place, takeaways have become kind of a godsend.

Yes, with 22 hours spent in the home every day – I try and make the most of my allocated two hours outside – I have plenty of time on my hands to cook but with so many things closed right now, ordering food online and seeing another human being in the flesh, besides my partner, is as decadent as it gets.

It feels as even more of a luxury than it normally does, and I have certainly indulged in it a few times over the last month. 

If I had to draw one positive of the lockdown situation, it would be that many places I normally visit for a night out have started doing takeaways, giving the opportunity to collapse into a blissful food coma on the couch after dinner.

(Apparently, as I have learned the hard way, you are not meant to do that in public. My bad!)

Pizzeria Famosa – my favourite pizzeria in Jersey, which is conveniently located just around the corner from my home – is one of those places that finally started doing takeaways, and they did not disappoint.

Pictured: Soy delivered "a brilliant 15-piece sushi selection bang on at the time they had promised".

Same with Soy, which delivered a brilliant 15-piece sushi selection bang on at the time they had promised and on a Saturday night.

Their driver even waited from the recommended two-metre safe distance to check we had found our order on the doorstep before giving us the thumbs up.

(Bonus points for the smiley faces the chef had drawn on the takeaway boxes - in lockdown, little things like this can brighten up a whole evening!)

Pictured: "I have also tried out some new places such as Jersey Lillie Tandoori."

Of course, I didn’t forget my trusted favourites and ordered a few pizzas from Fresh Crust Pizza, which has the cheesiest cheesy pizza I have ever had – the ‘Cheese Board’ with blue, smoked, mozzarella, cheddar and Goat’s cheese - to keep me going during these unprecedented times.

But I have also tried out some new places such as Jersey Lillie Tandoori. One night, I found myself with a hankering for fish and chips and, unable to simply pop down to my regular ‘chippy’, I ordered one.

To my surprise, they didn’t have any fish and chips on the menu. They had both fish and chips on the menu but only sold them separately, so I opted for the King Cod and a portion of cheesy chips.

Pictured: "There isn’t anything worse than overcooked soggy chips and that’s exactly what I got."

The fish was brilliant - crispy on the outside, soft in the inside. The chips, though, not so much. There isn’t anything worse than overcooked soggy chips and that’s exactly what I got. Safe to say even my love for cheese wasn’t enough to make me eat even half of them. 

On the bright side, they also delivered at the exact time they said they would so I guess I can’t complain.

As I have learned during lockdown, there is nothing worse than your food not arriving on time when it’s the only thing you have been looking forward all day (except those soggy chips). 

All in all, my takeaway adventures have been mostly delightful, and I am truly grateful for the existence of local chefs whose cooking skills far exceed mine.

Once lockdown is over, I’ll be making sure to visit my favourite restaurants to make sure I tell them how much joy they spark in my stomach."

This review first appeared in Connect Magazine, which you can read by clicking HERE.