Friday 24 September 2021
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NEWS EYE: Collect your limited-edition ‘Official Visits’ commemorative plates

NEWS EYE: Collect your limited-edition ‘Official Visits’ commemorative plates

Friday 03 September 2021

NEWS EYE: Collect your limited-edition ‘Official Visits’ commemorative plates

To celebrate Jersey’s enduring relationship with the United Kingdom, News Eye is pleased to present these limited-edition collectible plates, depicting the warm welcome extended to visiting politicians and ambassadors.

These priceless pieces, costing £5 each or £1.99 for the set, capture the essence of these expensive and pointless visits: the obligatory trip to the Écréhous, a visit to a farm, a tour of a bunker, the showaround at Digital Jersey, and the standard photo of everyone looking relaxed and among ‘besties’.

The plates - which can be stood up on a dresser or used to serve tasty platitudes of solidarity, scrumptious overtures of lasting friendship, or sweet endorsements of Jersey’s finance industry - have been lovingly hand-crafted in a sweat-shop in Vietnam and designed by leading Jersey artist Showme Le Monet.

One of the plates is a special edition clock with its own ticking ‘Greg Hands’ - pointing to the hour and minute that the UK Trade Minister wants to stop being shown around, grab a tuna wrap and start Tweeting about the visit to his 14 followers.

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CLICK TO ENLARGE: This fashionable plate / clock has two working Greg Hands and is available at trade minister prices.

Another rare collector’s item is the ‘I Can’t Believe We’re Actually on the Phone to Boris’ plate.

It depicts three excitable ministers engaged in a three-minute conversation with the UK Prime Minister, who only realised half-way through the call that he wasn’t speaking with the ambassador to Chile, who was next on his list.

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CLICK TO ENLARGE: The ‘I Can’t Believe We’re Actually on the Phone to Boris’ plate will be a fine addition to any mantelpiece.

These plates are durable and lasting…

Well, until the next time the island’s policies diverge with the UK, at which point Whitehall will drop us quicker than a Le Fondré U-turn, like when they shafted us with the UK Fisheries Bill.

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CLICK TO ENLARGE: One of the plates in the rare collection, entitled ‘Sibylline stare from Lord Wolfson near Mont Orgueil’.

Don’t delay in buying your own piece of ephemeral history! 

About the artist

Showme Le Monet (4) came from Greece and had a thirst for knowledge; she then studied sculpture at St. Martin’s Primary School.

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Pictured: The final plate in the collection is titled: ‘One of us thinks we’re on Scout parade and it isn’t the US ambassador’. Click to enlarge.

Her exquisite art can be seen all over Jersey, particularly in the ‘underpass under the underpass’ by Cineworld. Her work has also been exhibited at MoMA, Tate Britain and the Co-op. 

Our Limited Edition Guarantee 

It is highly unlikely that these ministers will be in power, or indeed in the Assembly, beyond next June so once they're gone, these plates will only soar in value, especially as the new Council will probably want to smash them in some Greek-style celebration.

To receive your fine china plates, send your name, address and £804m to Our Really, Really Expensive Hospital, 1 Saddledwithdebt Terrace, Westmount Road, St Helier. Please enclose a SAE to help reduce costs.

WARNING: This column may contain satire, in a fair wind going downhill.

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