NEWS EYE: A fairytale from the north

Friday 24 July 2020

This week’s news has been dominated by one of those ‘you couldn’t make it up’ stories … so I’ve decided to make up another. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin...

Once upon a time, in a windswept northern kingdom, there lived a man who made very smart suits. In fact, he also wore very smart suits, therefore he was known as ‘the Crisp Tailor’.

The Crisp Tailor ruled this northern kingdom, along with his loyal henchmen, who were all supportive of doctors, nurses and other people who cure. Yes, they were Pro-curers. 

One night, the Crisp Tailor dared venture into a neighbouring kingdom, where someone accused him of driving his coach and horses through the system of lanes and roads. 

The Crisp Tailor denied this and asked an associate, called Rich Advocate, to represent him in court. “It’s not going to be cheap,” said Rich. “That ok,” said the Crisp Tailor, “I was on unknown official business, therefore I can use the kingdom’s treasure to pay. And here is it!”

End of story.

Or was it? A small minority in the kingdom, who when not rabble-rousing, rebelling and stirring things up were preaching peace and goodwill to all men, started asking awkward questions about whether the kingdom should pay for its ruler’s alleged vehicular indiscretions. 

A meeting was called, attended by thousands of loyal subjects - with local disc jockey, DJ Trump, counting 1,343,444 people. In the end, the payment of 7,000 groats was approved by 13 votes to 2. This was a good job for the Crisp Tailor as the money was already spent. And he lived happily ever after.

The End.

Not quite. When word spread throughout the kingdom, lots of people, including the local deputy and the former postman, weren’t happy. They were reminded of times past, when the village butcher got into a spot of bother and was sent to the dungeon for a while. Stirring things up even more than the dissentious rector, they called for another meeting, and even the big sheriff down in the capital city was asked to take a look.

Clearly concerned, and fearing his smart slacks might not be smart for long, the Crisp Tailor agreed to pay the money back to his kingdom, in hope that this minor incident would be quickly forgotten, or better still, he would wake up and it would all have been a dream.

The End. Possibly.