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NEWS EYE: Gov exports soothing ministerial pep talks around the world

NEWS EYE: Gov exports soothing ministerial pep talks around the world

Friday 28 July 2023

NEWS EYE: Gov exports soothing ministerial pep talks around the world

Friday 28 July 2023


As the world is facing climate meltdown, social division, rampant inflation and the war in Ukraine, governments across the globe are waking up to what everyone needs … a soothing two-minute video pep talk by Jersey’s Chief Minister.

Nations far and wide have realised that the calm and comforting tones of Deputy Kristina Moore talking about "relentless focus", "absolute commitment", and "real investment" – delivered with a light bounce of the head and firm but subtle gesticulations of the hands – is all that is needed to make things ok.

Now the Government has committed to share her reassuring messages to countries around the world, with Deputy Moore already signed up to produce Facebook videos for 25 governments including Mexico, North Korea, and the Federated States of Micronesia.

So far, her unequivocal but simple lines of “We’ve listened to you, we’re delivering on our promises, we achieved so much in our first 100 days, trust us and everything will be ok” have been translated into 17 languages, including Icelandic, Esperanto and Bocce. 

One politician from the Middle East said: “We were dealing with a complex situation locally, where a defining vision was needed rather than low-hanging short-term populism.

"Once we’d been calmed by Deputy Moore, we suddenly had an answer. Granted, it is yet to come but we’re all assured that it’s on the way.”

News Eye Kristina Moore Japan.jpg

Pictured: The people of Japan hear that they are being listened to.

Meanwhile the Government, buoyed by the success of the Chief Minister’s catchy videos, is rolling out other Ministers as part of a potentially award-winning series.

They include Deputy Tom Binet with his film “I’m just here to clean up other people’s mess”, Deputy Karen Wilson’s “In simple terms, we need a transformational patient-centred pathway”, Deputy Ian Gorst’s “I’m not really very comfortable in this Government but it’s better than being on Scrutiny” and Deputy Jonathan Renouf’s “Hang on, I seem to be more politically aligned with Reform”.

WARNING: Contains utter rubbish in a weak attempt at satire.

Pictured top: The Chief Minister assures the people of Catania in Sicily that they have nothing to worry about... 

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