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NEWS EYE: Islands to hold referendum on Farage retirement plans

NEWS EYE: Islands to hold referendum on Farage retirement plans

Friday 26 May 2023

NEWS EYE: Islands to hold referendum on Farage retirement plans

Friday 26 May 2023

Jersey and Guernsey have pledged to hold a referendum to see if islanders want Nigel Farage to retire in the Channel Islands.

Dubbed ‘Fargxit’, the poll is expected to be hotly contested between those who think the former leader of UKIP should ‘Leave’ islanders alone and those who think he should ‘Remain’ in the UK.

Campaign buses are already being painted which such pithy slogans as ‘Brexit – we didn’t vote for it. In fact, we didn’t get to vote at all!’ and ‘Brexit has clearly made Britain stronger - just look at the UK’s economic output figures!’’

Usually, the referendum question in Jersey will have three responses. The question will be: ‘Should Nigel Farage remain a resident of the UK or should he be allowed to retire to the Channel Islands?’

The responses are:

  1. He should remain in the UK.
  2. He can retire to the Channel Islands.
  3. If he wants to go to Guernsey, that’s absolutely fine by me.

Some islanders have pointed out that Mr Farage only mentioned that he would like to retire to ‘the Channel Islands’ if Brexit fails.

This, they argue, could include Alderney, Burhou, Les Casquets, Les Dirouilles or the Paternosters, so there might be some possibilities. A man synonymous with enjoying a pint or three might be among brethren in St Anne, they point out, where townsfolk often enjoy several more.

A spokesman for Mr Farage said that the Channel Islands – with their rich French heritage and large Portuguese and Eastern European communities – was a natural place for one of the architects of the UK’s withdrawal from the EU to settle. 

A spokesman for the Government of Jersey said the States would respect the result of the referendum, just like they had with the electoral reform question in 2013.

One minister also posted a emoji of three aubergines, a croissant and a pile of poo on their social media, although no one quite knows why.

WARNING: Contains utter drivel in a faint effort to raise a smile

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