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NEWS EYE: Introducing our new guest columnist from the sticks of St. Ouen

NEWS EYE: Introducing our new guest columnist from the sticks of St. Ouen

Friday 01 April 2022

NEWS EYE: Introducing our new guest columnist from the sticks of St. Ouen

Friday 01 April 2022

In this week’s News Eye, we hand over the editorial reins to Eddie Le Brun, who shares his views from a bar stool at the Farmers...

"I’ve been drinking here for as long as I can remember, which is at least since 5pm when they had the rugby on.

“There’s nothing I don’t know about rugby. Did you know that our very own Siam Cup is the oldest cup in the world? It was discovered in ancient Thailand by King Mongkut himself, who had 11 men carry it out of the jungle … that’s why rugby is 11-a-side to this day.  Bet you didn’t know that, eh?

“Eddie Jones himself told me that when he came here on a tour with Wales in 1974. Saw him play at Springfield the same year that Elton John played there. 

“But that was football. I remember that game well… one of the Celebrity All-Star matches, it was. Bernie Taupin was in goal with Bella Emberg in central defence. Larry Grayson scored a blinder while Una Stubbs was tying her shoelaces. That said, Alf Moignard should’ve given him offside.

”Dressed as a duck, Elton was. 

“Not long till the election, eh? Can’t wait to see which candidates put their foot in it. St. Ouen is lumped with St. John and Grouville, I hear, and we’ve got ten to choose from. 

“That Lyndon Farnborough lives in the parish - I think he’s got one of those houses where the Château Plaisir used to be. Shorty’s old pub.

"Lovely place to live, if you can afford it. Become a millionaire’s playground, the bay has. I remember when there was nothing down there except the beach and fields… nothing!

"Well, except the Château… and the Blue Dahlia opposite. Come to think of it, we had the L’Etacq Hotel too… and the Lobster Pot… and the Marina, the Milano, Winstons, the Sable d’Or, High Tower, Tropicana, Watersplash and La Pulente.  

“I can remember once drinking five pints of Breda in each of them, then driving up to the Aero Club to finish off the night. Good job the Airport was lit up… helped me to focus on where I was going. Roads were much safer then.

“Ah, the good ol’ days… when we used to drive up and down the sand dunes, dump crap at Les Mielles and have 2,000 people parking their cars on pristine duneland to watch the tug of war.

“And now they want to ruin the bay by putting up wooden bollards along the road… it’s disgusting! Should be unspoilt, like it was when I was young.

“Anyhow, the elections… I dunno who to vote for. We’ve got that Gorst in the district, I hear. My mate Dave Carré says he’ll never vote for him cause he’s married to an A’Court but I keep telling him, Dave, it’s time to move on.

“I’ll probably vote as I always do… turn up to the hustings and then choose the least-mad candidate. It’s bloody hard but I need to exercise my democratic right, which is the only exercise I get on a regular basis these days… what, with Beryl’s dodgy hip. 

“I remember when Beryl used to run towards me and I’d catch her in my arms. She’d then get down on all fours and we’d play together for hours.

“Ah, those were the days. She was a sprightly Jack Russell then.

“Anyway, these candidates today… half of ‘em ain’t even from Jersey! In my day, all politicians were proper crapauds, people like Wilfred Krichefski, Corrie Stein, George Troy and Hendrik Van der Vliet; they knew their calabrese from their broccoli, I tell you. 

“But this island is going to the dogs, for sure. I was only telling someone the other day on the direct flight back from Tenerife how terrible things are.

“And yesterday I was thinking, after the gardeners had left and I was waiting for the cleaners to arrive to tidy up the new extension and iron my shirts, we need to control the population! 

“Right, it’s time for another pint before I pop over to Morrison’s. Founded by Jim Morrison, it was, the lead singer of Jefferson Airplane. 

“And you can have that fact for free!”

WARNING: May contain utter rubbish.

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