NEWS EYE: States to disband and become one big Citizens’ Assembly

Friday 04 June 2021

Jersey’s parliament is to shut down after it was decided to expand the concept of Citizens’ Assemblies to all political decisions.

Although the Island has a long established tradition of representative democracy, a new ‘people-powered approach’ means that representatives of the people now tell other representatives of the people what to do.

Having heard what the representatives of the people think, the other representatives of the people tell civil servants what to do.

And in another long-established Island tradition, the civil servants then do what they want anyway, regardless of what any representative has told them. 

It’s now been decided to ‘cut out the middleman’ and just let Citizens’ Assemblies tell civil servants what they should be doing, and then the civil servants can then go away and do whatever was agreed at the last strategy away-day at the Pomme d’Or.

A Government spokesman said: “We have fully embraced the UK idea of Citizens’ Assemblies and it actually works really well: anonymous individuals, either volunteering or randomly selected, deciding important matters such as the new hospital, how to tackle climate change and whether we can end our own lives.

“What’s the difference to what we have now: which is random volunteers standing for election, many being chosen unopposed or being voted in by a small percentage of the population? 

“If we’re going to go down the Swiss route and place decision-making directly in the hands of the people, then what’s the point of having politicians?”

“Also, with appointment commissions, fiscal policy panels, independent inspectors and a host of other standard-setting bodies, what do our elected members actually decide these days anyway?”

However, one politician, speaking exclusively to News Eye, stressed the importance of States Members.

“Without us, wouldn’t life be a bit boring?” he said. “Who wants an anonymous group of blue-sky thinkers when you can have us, an eclectic mix of well-meaning misfits who are only one step away from our next scandal, gaff or risible volte-face?

“Plus, we have the fun of next year’s election to look forward to and the intrigue of guessing who will stand, which parties will form and who’ll shoot themselves in the foot at the hustings … it’s a welcome distraction from pandemics and recessions.”

However, the trend of bypassing the elected chamber seems set to continue: future Citizens’ Assemblies are due to be established in the next month to decide the future of zero-ten, whether the Island should declare independence, and whether Jersey should develop a manned space programme.

Warning: None of this article may be true.