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From chance encounters in bustling bars like Sands, to swiping right and spotting siblings... Dating culture in Jersey has changed a lot over the decades – and not all for the better.
But some of those changes – for better or for worse – are magnified when it comes to living on an island, as Express found out this Valentine's Day...
Back in the day, dating culture was all about meeting people in person: love at first sight, rather than first swipe. Often, in Jersey, that would be in one of the thriving bars and clubs of the 1970s, 80s and 90s.
For Debbie (60), hitching a free ride in a VW van from a pub to a club with a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend in the 1990s led to a lifelong romance.
"I was out with my friend one Saturday evening in a pub called the Warehouse, which was down at the Waterfront kind of area. We were going to go to Sands nightclub on the Five Mile Road and we wanted a lift.
"We managed to find one and piled into a VW van and went down to Sands. I bought [my future husband] and his friend a drink to say 'thank you' for the lift."
Pictured: Sands nightclub was a popular venue in the 1970s and 80s, but had been attracting dancers and drinkers long before that under the title of The Tropicana. The club, now a private home, can be found close to what is now Sands restaurant.
She continued: "Me and my friend were dancing and we kept bumping into the boys. And we all ended up going back to my friend's parents' house to drink afterwards.
"And then [my future husband] phoned me on Wednesday and said, 'Oh, you going out tonight?' and I said, 'I'll probably go to the Warehouse again.'
"And we met in the Warehouse and then we saw each other every day from there..."
Some islanders found love further afield, before returning to make Jersey their home. Dan explained how, rather than in Sands, his parents met on the shores of Thailand.
"My mum is Swedish and my dad is from Jersey. They met in Thailand – my dad was working on a boat out there and my mum was doing some travelling.
"My dad saw my mum and asked if she wanted to do a cruise so they did one around Thailand. And from then they went back to Jersey."
Pictured: Traditional dating culture in Jersey often involved meeting in person at bars and clubs.
Others met in a more dramatic way, as Chris (25) explained.
"My dad used to ride his motorbike from Germany to Calais in France. He would get the Eurotunnel to go see my mum in London when she was working as a nurse when he was based in Berlin for the army.
"They first met at a party when they were 17. My dad crashed it – he wasn't even invited!"
Some lifelong romances blossomed off-island.
While the pair "had a bit of a break between dad being in the army and mum travelling and nursing", they "stayed in touch", Chris said.
"Now they have been married over 30 years."
But fast-forward several decades, and the digital age has ushered in a new chapter of romance... Smartphone-based apps like Tinder see individuals set their age and location preferences, before 'swiping right' on the profiles of people they would like to connect with, and 'swipe left' on those they're unenthused by.
It might seem random, but there are ways of 'gaming' the system in a small island – and Chris's own love story is very different to that of his parents as a result.
"I met my girlfriend on Tinder but it's actually quite funny because it was more calculated. I was forced out the house for the cliffside walk when stumbled across a big group of females. I knew one of them so I stopped to talk – amongst that group was my future girlfriend's sister, who clearly admired me as I was very handsome man," he joked.
Pictured: The digital age has shifted dating to online platforms like Tinder.
"She immediately went and passed on the news to her lovely single sister, who then decided to stalk me on Facebook to see if I was worth messaging or not.
"Upon realising that I clearly was, you know, some prime material and worth making an effort for, she decided to get on Tinder and set her age range specifically to hunt me out.
"Of course, Tinder is a dating platform therefore, makes it pretty much okay to be messaged by a stranger... So she messaged me. Obviously I was pretty stunned and it went from there!"
For some, the appeal of dating apps is being exposed to people you may not otherwise have the chance to meet. But that can be both a blessing and a curse, leading to some horror stories.
That was the case for Claire (25) back in 2019, after she invited someone she met online to have dinner at her flat.
Pictured: Online encounters can lead to awkward situations.
"As I was cooking in the kitchen, I was oblivious to the fact he was taking all of his clothes off and was just sat on my couch," she explained.
"When I came through from the kitchen, with our dinner, I asked him what the hell he was doing.
"It wasn't that he wanted to get down and dirty, he said he just felt more comfortable with his clothes off"
Things then got even worse.
"He then proceeded to get up the dining table, completely naked, and asked me for a teatowel to put over his junk. I sat on the far end away from him. I watched him then pick his nose and wipe it on my couch arm!"
Claire knew something had to be done: "I pretended I had work early and asked him to leave."
"It's funny now but honestly, I was horrified," she said.
Of course, the apps don't always bring strangers... Sometimes, the problem is the exact opposite, with the small-island dynamics of the Channel Islands adding another layer of awkwardness to the dating landscape when you come across friends, colleagues, or even siblings during a swipe session.
"Dating apps are front and centre these days, but in small communities, the deck of people quickly expires, with endless repeats of people you have already rejected rearing their head again," George (24), from Guernsey, said.
Pictured: Small island dynamics add layers of complexity, with potential matches being people you already know.
"Often a shot of awkwardness hits when close friends or former school mates appear, presented in rather a different way to their other social accounts. What's worse is when you can see these people have actually liked you through occasional push notifications or the 'secret admirer' function. You know it will never happen, or never can happen - so you swipe left.
"Then, be it the high street or a pub later, you lock eyes with them. You speak as usual, but behind the casual facade you both know there's an elephant in the room. This is more common than some may appreciate.
"I've even heard talk of girls saying they've "completed" Hinge and Tinder locally. At this point it becomes a game, and for all intents and purposes, it is.
But the game is even harder for LGBTQ+ islanders, as the pool of potential matches is yet smaller.
Pictured: Queer individuals face additional challenges due to the smaller dating pool.
One young man went even further, saying his experience led him to believe "there are no gay people here" and that he therefore had "no dating experience in Jersey".
Georgia (27), a queer woman who is not originally from the island, said: "When I moved to Jersey I knew the number of women who wanted to date women would be small. I settled in and downloaded dating apps (all the main ones) only to find that I would see the same 10 to 15 people across all of them.
"Swipe further and you start seeing French people, Guernsey people and men (none of whom I was seeking out). Matching with anyone, the stakes felt high - mess this up and there are only about eight queer people left! And despite thinking I didn't know anyone in Jersey really, I quickly started seeing people I knew. At long last, I felt like a local. Things weren't so bad and I eventually got a great date out of it - but that's a different story..."
Seeing people you know is not the only problem — instead of an honest "sorry there's no spark for me", sometimes people will just simply ignore messages and stop replying – a phenomenon known as 'ghosting'.
"I matched with a girl on Hinge while I was at University in London. Then covid happened and I had to return to Jersey," said Joey (24).
"I got to know her quite well. We would regularly call and Facetime, and text each other every day. She told me all about her family and everything.
"We started planning things to do together when I made it back to London – and then when I finally got back to London she ghosted me..."
So, given there are so many issues with app-based dating, and particularly in an island context, why have people turned to them?
Two 18-year-olds told Express that they thought it was because youth and dating culture had become more focused on physical appearance and sexual appeal.
"It seems more sexual — whether that's due to songs or the media," one said.
"Online dating involves less of meeting people naturally or looking at personality but instead dating apps involve mainly swiping and looking at physical attributes.
"Also, you already have a list of what you’re looking for, but if you meet someone it can be unexpected and you don’t know."
...Of course, love can still be found in 'natural' ways.
Dan – who said he preferred to "just wait for the right person rather than through online" – didn't have to look very far at all.
"I moved into my new home about two years ago and I met my now-girlfriend next door. She introduced me to her dog in her garden, and I went over... We’ve been partners since.”
And the friends-to-lovers pipeline is still going strong too.
One 18-year-old, who met her boyfriend at school said: "I didn't like him but he had a crush on me for ages and then we were hanging out a lot and I realised I liked him."
Pictured: Despite challenges, love can still be found through traditional or online means.
And, even if the apps don't always work, love can still find its way in unexpected ways, as one couple shared with Express.
"I messaged my current girlfriend on Tinder. Twice. And she ignored me.... until we met at an after-party. And now we've been together for three years," Ryan laughed.
His girlfriend added her perspective: "When I was single, I got Tinder as a joke. But then I was like, 'What the hell is this app!?' and deleted it. So when we met at an afters at his house, we had already followed each other on Instagram."
However they find love locally, the one thing all daters will have to face is the cost, with gifting and dining out and about far more expensive than ever before (thanks alcohol duty and inflation!). But, we suppose you can't put a price on true love...
Reflecting on his Valentine's Day routine, 58-year-old Eric said: "It was a lot cheaper in those days, even for one rose, you could be paying £7 for one now! I think the price has gone up.
"I still buy a card – I've been doing that for nearly 40 years now... We might get a meal out somewhere, so that's nice."
With thanks to Amber McGurty, Ollie Boletta, and Oliver Hall, who are all on work experience with Bailiwick Express and the JEP, for putting together this feature.
NOTE: Some names have been changed to protect anonymity – and dignity!
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