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AGONY AUNT: Make me over, Fenella!

AGONY AUNT: Make me over, Fenella!

Monday 18 April 2022

AGONY AUNT: Make me over, Fenella!

Monday 18 April 2022


Jersey's favourite socialite has been called upon again, this time to advise an islander struggling in their own skin on how to achieve the perfect glow-up.

Fenella Bond had this to say to 'Fashion faux pas from First Tower'...

Dear Fenella,

I’m writing to you with a problem that I know only you can solve. And I know that you’re the only person I would trust to give me advice on this. I’m a little worried to admit this in a public forum but I know that you’ll receive my letter with love, kindness and respect. 

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little underconfident in my own skin and it’s been a while since I’ve felt truly beautiful. Phew, okay, here goes nothing...

I have decided that I need a full-on, life-changing, glowing-up makeover and I have no idea where to start!!! I need you to drop all your tips, tricks, hacks and secrets. I’m talking fashion, skincare, beauty regimens, lifestyle. I’m sure that once you work your magic and I look hot to trot, all my problems in life will be completely solved. Make me over, Fenella Bond, I need you!! 

Please write me back – you would make my WHOLE YEAR!

Loads of love,

Fashion faux pas from First Tower x

Hey babes, 

OH-to the-EM-to the-GEE! When I tell you that reading your letter literally made me happy dance around my very cute influencer pad, I am not exaggerating – I kid you not!

crown.jpg

Pictured: "Ever since I watched the Princess Diaries as a child and threw a tantrum upon finding out I was only an heiress and not a princess, I knew that makeovers were something truly special."

People talk a lot about meditation and mindfulness (which obvs is v important too) but I’m very much of the opinion that there are very few problems that a good, solid makeover can’t fix. 

Getting a divorce? Have a makeover. Your favourite handbag dog has just been diagnosed with depression? Have a makeover. Your last makeover wasn’t VA-VA-VOOM enough? Have a makeover.

make_over.jpg

Pictured: Makeup is "an incredibly potent and versatile medicine."

I’m so glad that you came to me. I am going to give you what no one else (apart from subscribers to the My Perfect Life Patreon Subscription, only £17.99 a month) has ever had access to... my very own Perfect Makeover Bible.

Divided into sub-categories, behold the hottest socialite’s best kept beauty secrets... YOU’RE WELCOME!

Preparation

  • Save up a good nest egg so that you can blow it all on YOU – you deserve it, honey! Don’t forget, a makeover isn’t OVER until you MAKE yourself spend over £10k! 

  • Hold auditions amongst your nearest and dearest for your most kind, but honest makeover buddy. Once you locate them, get them to clear their schedule for the duration of the makeover – a good buddy is hard to find, keep them close

  • Remember: there’s no such thing as a bad makeover, only bad makeover choices. That one’s a thinker so mull it over.

    shopping_spree.jpg

Pictured: Fenella says to stick with a colour palette - It's more versatile. 

Fashion

  • Don’t fall into the occasion wear trap: the sparkly dresses and jumpsuits will call your name but don’t be weak! You’re there to shop for everyday outfits that make you look ‘WOW’ even when you’re not going out-out.

  • Stick to a colour palette: you want a wardrobe that is versatile and where every individual item of clothing goes with everything else. Mix it up, girlie!!

  • Don’t be an outfit repeater: make sure you find multiple outfits that you know you’re going to wear on the reg. Babycakes, I love you, but if I find out you’ve been outfit repeating, you will never work in this town again. 

  • Have fun with it: get out your comfort zone, try some quirky cowboy boots, go full on sparkly disco fantasy if you want, just follow your instinct and then wear it with confidence, babes!

Beauty

  • Spend more on skincare than you spend on makeup: self-explanatory. Take care of your beautiful skin, gal, you’re worth it!

  • Hot water and lemon: this is a totally free (er, how much do lemons cost?) and easy daily habit to get into that will heal your gut and leave your skin refreshed and revitalised. Love that for you!

  • Olive oil and sugar: this is an old Bond family trick (even my great-Uncle James swears by it) instead of getting some fancy pants exfoliator, mix up some olive oil with a bit of sugar and you’ve got yourself a scrub that’s just as sweet as ME!

    skincare.jpg

Pictured: Spend more on skincare than make-up. 

Miscellaneous

  • Don’t let anyone tell you how to run your own makeover... er, except me – always do exactly what Auntie Fenella says.

  • Be prepared for the consequences: I’ve organised quite a few makeovers in my time and let me tell you, bestie, that every single person has wound up with quite a lot of attention afterwards. People asking them out on dates in the middle of the street CONSTANTLY – you’re going to break so many hearts it will be BRUTAL. So just be ready for that.

  • Pay it forward: I once was lucky enough to have a makeover that was so powerful and life-changing that it landed me a six-figure book deal and when that happened, I pledged that I would pay this forward. Now, here I am passing the baton onto you, Faux-pas, and I expect you to pay some other unfashionable loser the same kindness. I believe in you.

Ugh, I’m well jel, I wish I could have my very first makeover experience all over again!! Hope it’s everything you dreamed of and more, babes! 

May the stilettos be ever in your favour! 

Love you loads, 

Auntie Fenella xxx

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